Do you recognise these scenarios?
- You have pain and you are in; you are tired. A thought comes into your head and will not leave. You begin saying to yourself, I am always tired, there must be something else wrong perhaps the doctor has missed something important. You begin to think you will not be able to do your regular activities if this carries on. You might have to spend all your time in bed and no one will come to see you. You will get worse and be alone., How does your pain feel now?
- You have a pain and you are worried as you have an important work meeting. You are not sure how you are going to get through it, you can feel yourself getting more stressed by the minute. You become convinced that you will have to leave the meeting before you have made your contribution. These thoughts start racing through your head. How does your pain feel now?
Now let’s look at some more pleasant scenarios.
- You have pain, you have eaten a nice meal, you are sitting in your warm sitting room and watching the television. It’s a drama series you have been following and the denouement is tonight. You are not thinking about yourself, you are completely absorbed in the television. How does your pain feel now?.
- You have pain, you are walking slowly through a little park near where you live. You take it steadily because you know that is the best way to keep the pain to a minimum. You look around you, breathe deeply, notice the wind rustling in the trees. If you have a negative thought it seems to just flit by as your attention is drawn to the world around you. How does your pain feel?
I would be very surprised if you do not think that your pain was worse in the first two cases than in the last two cases. That is the power of the mind, your attitude, your mood, and what you are concentrating on when you have pain. And this doesn’t have to ‘just happen’. You can control this and put yourself in that cosy room or nice park at will. And when you do this your negative thoughts will diminish.
Don’t believe me? Let me show you how.
Learn your triggers
Start tracking when you have negative thoughts. We looked at this a bit in the last post but you can now refine it and make it special for you. Over a few days, note when you have negative thoughts. Ask these questions
- Where are you?
- What is the time?
- Who are you with?
As far as you can now change those triggers.
Place
Do you always get bad thoughts in the same place? Can you avoid going to this place? If this is not possible, can you change how you are in this place? For example, if it is the bed, then can you move the bed, alter the bedroom, change the bed linen. By doing these simple things, you can find often find the thing which will break the link between pace and thoughts. (A bit of an aside here. Is it a bed of fear of not sleeping? If the latter then go to my book for some tips in dealing with this problem.)
If it is a place you just cannot avoid, a certain office at work for example, then console yourself with the thought that you are not there forever. Focus on where you will be when you leave this place and how good that will feel.
Time
If you have a bad time of day protect yourself at this time, do something which takes your mind off of yourself for this time. Try some self-hypnosis at this time. Or dive into a book by your favourite author. Or choose this time to spend with the person you most love.
People
Can you cut down on contact with the person who is triggering the thoughts, if you cannot do this then investigate further, what is it that they are saying to do that is sparking your thoughts. Is there a way you can stop them from doing this? Can you talk to them and explain your situation? Even if this does not work then at least you will have identified a trigger. This in itself can help. If you know where the negative thought is coming from, it will lose some of its power.
Change how you think
This may sound very hard to do. But it is not if you take it in small parts.
- Start by recognising your negative thought patterns. Do you constantly tell yourself off? Do you think because your pain is there that everything else will automatically go wrong.? Do you always think of the worst possible outcome?
- Identify these thoughts. Do not try to stop them at this stage. Look at them, acknowledge that they are part of you. Think of these thoughts like second gear in your car. You need it but you don’t want to be there all the time.
- Acknowledge that you learned to think like this. You may want to investigate what happened here. It could be patterns you picked up from your family, it could be a habit you fell into when you first had pain. Whatever it is, you started it and you can change it.
Which are your most troublesome thoughts?
Identify what the main, and the most troublesome thoughts are. Then take them one by one.
Allow that they may have a measure of validity. If you are saying, for example, I will never be free of pain, then take on board that this is expressing your distress. Then look for evidence that there are some times when pain does not dominate all your thoughts.
What are those times like, focus on them, ask how you can widen these thoughts, and give them more space in your mind?
Ask yourself what thoughts have helped you control your pain. Perhaps you can visualise putting your original negative thought and your more positive thoughts on two sides of an old-fashioned weighing scale. Keep on with the positive thoughts, the evidence of how your life is still good until the scales are balanced. Then leave the exercise for the day. But some back soon, in a few hours or tomorrow, and continue until the scale is heavier on the positive side.
Reframe your thoughts
Reframe why you are having negative thoughts. Instead of putting all your energy into stopping the thoughts ask yourself what they are trying to tell you. Talk to your thoughts. Ask your thought, what is it saying to you today, how can you work with it to achieve what you want. That might involve acknowledging the thought, quietening the thought, or telling it to go away and come back later. Often it is easier to do this if you visualise your thought as an object or a creature or perhaps as a sound or a shape, think about it and you will come up with what is good for you.